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In California, or as I call it, Califorlornia, activists are busy as bees. Activists can afford to be busy at their chosen issue because they are almost always unemployed and unemployable. But never mind that. It’s reparations time!
To find out more about it, Ace Cardly met with a representative of the movement. Having vowed years ago to never again set foot in California, Cardly agreed to speak with the man only while standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona.
Shaquan: “We lookin’ fo some free money. And when you white ass muhfukas pay up, we go wont uhpology.”
Ace: “Are you aware that California joined the Union as a free state in 1850?”
Shaquan: “At what I be talkin’ ‘bout. Free shit.”
Ace: “I am referring to the issue of slavery. Slavery was never allowed in the Golden State.”
Shaquan: “How you know dat? My people always be depressed by you rich ass white people. Ain’t no state line border go change ‘at.”
Ace: “I take it that logic was not something you studied in school.”
Shaquan: “Man, that shit racist!”
Ace: “Oh, sorry. I forgot. It’s hard to keep up with all the things that are now racist.”
Shaquan: “You a racist!”
Ace: “So, the reparations task force is now recommending that the state government issue every black person a “down payment”, while they confer on the issue of just how much money they imagine black people should get.”
Shaquan: “We wont all y’all money!”
Ace: “So I gather.”
Shaquan: “We go get it, too. We don’t we go burn y’all shit down.”
Ace: “Should black Hollywood celebrities get reparations? They are already immensely wealthy, having taken advantage of opportunities in an industry created by white people.”
Shaquan: “Man, they slaves! They slaves to the white man. Say it!”
Ace: “So, millionaire celebrities probably deserve even more money than average black people living on SSI.”
Shaquan: “Damn straight. They victims.”
Ace: “I can recommend to you some elementary books on logic, if you like.”
Shaquan: “Books be racist.”
Ace: “Once you receive your down payment, what will you do with the money?”
Shaquan: “First thing I do is take my lady to Mexico fo some liposuction.”
Ace: “And then?”
Shaquan: “We go potty.”
Ace: “Excuse me?”
Shaquan: “Potty, muhfuka. You know, smoke some weed an’ shit. Kick out da jams. Potty I asses off.”
Ace: “How, if I may ask, did you get from South Central Los Angeles to Winslow, Arizona?”
Shaquan: “On a Gavin Newsom bus. He say he go gib all us black folk a ride. He say he be happy to do it.”
Ace: “I’m sure. He studied logic in college.”