“I did everything perfectly,” Kimberly Cheatle told the world.
“Well,” asked a reporter, “why weren’t snipers placed on the roof of the building where the shooter got his brains blown out.”
“Too risky,” Kim answered. “Have you seen that roof? It’s sloped. I guess they built it that way so rainwater would run off. I really don’t know.”
“Yes, but, there were snipers on the roof of a nearby building. Maybe you’ve heard. They shot the assassin. That roof is sloped, too.”
“It is? What the hell were my DEI men doing up there?”
“Well, not all of them were on that roof. Most of them were inside the building.”
“I know that. You think I don’t know where my men were?”
“People are a little confused. Since the Trump rally was OUTside, why were your guys INside?”
“It was really hot that day. I was not about to send them outside. They could’ve been sunburned.”
“Don’t you think they could have surveilled the area better if they had been in the parking lot?”
“Don’t call me sir.”
“But . . .”
“And have you SEEN that parking lot? It’s flat. It’s level. Very deceiving. I was not about to subject my men to that. You think I’m stupid?”
“Um, let’s move on. What about the numerous reports by attendees that a man was on the roof with a rifle, aiming at Donald Trump?”
“Oh PLEASE! You can’t believe that bullshit. Buncha drunk MAGA fools wandering around. Nobody believes those people.”
“Will you resign?”
“NEVER!”
“Even when you got to prison?”
“What?”
Inspired writing, my friend. The DEI hire to run the Secret Service is a fool and so is Dr. Jill for hiring the dishonest slut. She should be burned at the stake.