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Baby, it’s hot outside!
Military strategist and seasoned combat veteran Joe Biden sent some robot planes after a Syrian shepherd the other day. Guess who won? The 56-year old peasant and father of 10 became shep-kabob in a great flash of fire and scorched steel.
The people responsible for blowing the shepherd and former bricklayer to smithereens are backing up on their first claim: that the barbecued man had been an Al-Qaeda terrorist. He had not. The bricklayer was kiln-dried by mistake.
This is Biden’s second win at blowing up women, children and old men. The first was during the heroic withdrawal from Afghanistan. Democracy can rest easy.
Ok, do not click on the link below if you have allowed yourself to be convinced that the climate is out to kill us all. Don’t do it. I’m warning you. The story will upset you. Do you have some Kleen-ex, just in case you click the link? Maybe it would be better to get a support group together first. Better still, just forget I even mentioned it. It’s just a science story, probably not even true. Forget about it.
To their eternal credit, some women are choosing to be sterilized rather than risk pregnancy. Who says there is never any good news?
These intrepid females at least have sense enough to know that they are helpless and irresponsible, and are opting for major surgery to prove it.
Smart woman: “You old white guys wanna make abortion difficult? I’ll get a hysterectomy. I’ll show YOU!”
Old white guys: “Please do. Do you need bus fare?”
I have to say that my stance on abortion-on-demand is changing. I am not exceptionally bright, and it has taken me a while to realize what a fine service to American society abortion truly is. Can you imagine what sort of mothers these purple-hair harridans would be? Their unborn children don’t know how lucky they are.
Purple-hair mother: “Feed yourself. I’m going to the gym.”
Hungry infant: “I hope you get killed by a barbell.”
And although the morally-challenged proponents of round-the-clock abortion fun will only admit it privately, Planned Parenthood is the KKK’s best friend. The hooded men once tried to control the black population with manila rope, but they have been proven abject failures when compared to the noble efforts of the dedicated workforce at Planned (Un-)Parenthood. Unwed black women on welfare are their most loyal customers.
Meanwhile, ditzy white girls, er, women, uh, I mean humanoids with Fallopian tubes continue to line up outside clinics to express their individuality. Standing in line for contraceptives was too much to ask.
So yes, all you Double-XXers who want to have unbridled sex with tattooed, skinny-armed, grocery-bagging boyfriends with their hair all up in buns, hep yo-sef. And feel free to call me if no Uber driver is available later to escort you to your favorite clinic. I’m always ready to help clean up the gene pool. Call ahead for Mothers’ Day reservations.