Who be tawkin’ trash?

I be.

Activist outfit Greenpeace has released a study showing that the feel-good notion about recycling garbage is a colossal fraud.

“Come on, Bree,” Kenneth said. “Gather up all the empty Evian water bottles and let’s take them to the recycle center. We can ride our bikes.”

“I don’t know, Kenneth,” she replied. “I just read that only five-percent of plastics are actually recycled. How can we make sure our bottles will be in that five-percent?”

“Five-percent?!” Kenneth shot back. “That’s got to be a lie!”

“Well, I read it in a Greenpeace report.”

“Why would a paragon of truth like Greenpeace tell such an awful lie? And even if it’s true, I’m still going to recycle, because it makes me feel good.”

“It’s better to burn the stuff.”

“Aaagh! Did you say BURN? Like, with FIRE? That makes CO2! Do you want to kill us?” Kenneth ranted, exhaling several pounds of CO2.

“Kenneth, just please read the study. Did you know that it takes more energy to recycle plastic than it does to make new plastic?”

“Aaaaaagh! More lies!” Kenneth groaned, sticking his head back in the sand.

***

In my county the taxpayers know firsthand what a scam recycling is. About 25-years ago a grand recycling enterprise was unleashed on the public. It involved a massive conveyor belt, at which the people doing community service (some for littering, no doubt . . . ) would stand and pick through the coffee grounds and banana peels, dutifully snatching plastic bottles and jugs, and sending them to be wrapped up in huge bales that would be hauled off in big diesel trucks. The trucks hauled the trash away, probably to an incinerator in another town; and eventually the conveyor-belt money-pit was shut down, along with the fanciful notions of concerned citizens. The recycle center continues to bale and export cardboard and plastic, but I don’t think it’s costing the taxpayers too much more than it would to bury it.

A concerned citizen, incidentally, is one who thinks you need to do more to make himorher happy.